Red Dwarf Terminal
Terminal Emulation Mode

We need help, get your mouse away from this logo

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We are what is left of the crew of the mining ship The Red Dwarf.
We're lost in space. Can you help us.
Mail Us Your Help Please

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Hi I'm Dave Lister,  I'm a cool type of guy. I know you're going to find this hard to believe, but we are from the future. A long way in the future, three million years to be exact, give or take one.

Now, before you jump to another site, this is no joke. Holly our computer has sort of gone loopy. Imagine a guy eating Currys and drinking Lager for three million years and you can begin to imagine what sort of state our system is in and what state our bogs are in.

We require any help or advice. We are getting desperate and we've run out of extra strength lager. So you see we really need help. So please drop us a note on the form below. Kryten can fill you in with an Tech stuff, I'm not much on the Star Trek jargon. Catch you later, Brutal....Dave

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Hey Man, I'm the Cat, but of course all you women out there know that, hmm I can smell you already and you smell good. Why can't I have my picture up, what do you mean there's not enough space on this pages for my ego. Anyway any of you monkeys with an ideas to get us back across time would be ok by me.

I hear you have big oceans full of fish. Sounds good to me. That's all I have to say, Anybody fancy a game of asteroid golf while we're waiting. What I don't understand is why anybody would respond with your faces on their screen, I'm sure four of mine would be better. Do you think this has caught my best side. What am I saying all my sides are my best side, boy I'm looking good. Also if you can't help us get back at least send me details of the latest Paris Designs for when I'm alone later....Cat

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Please help us. Although stuck in the future after the Human race has perished for some reason, we are able through a hole in the fabric of time to drop this message back into the 20th Century. Please respond as the Toaster hot-wired into the main computer 'Holly' will not last much longer and also could you tell me the nearest planet where I can get shake and vac. Again I say please help, our main computer is acting as well as a Vic 20 with no Ram pack. Thank you for your time, yours Kryten, Service Mechonoid Red Dwarf

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Arnold J. Rimmer here, self appointed Captain of this crew, well ragged bunch really. Look ignore what the above have just said, well except for the bit about getting us back. I can make you rich, really rich. All those years have passed and I have the details for each Cup Final and Super Bowl across the centuries. So Help us as its the big dosh for you. Look would it lie to you. I think not, besides, I'm too much of a coward.

Kryten : just one thing Sir. Isn't your book valid from the 22nd Century only.

Rimmer : hmm, ahhh, erhh, well..sort of, but don't tell them that.