Gordon Brittas at Christmas

Gordon's Christmas and New Year Message.

Christmas can be a wonderful thing. I am Gordon Brittas the manager of the leisure centre, each year I like to do my bit at Christmas to help our local needy. The people in Whitbury know what busy job I have and it is especially true at this time of year. I go round to the local charity houses and offer my services. They all have to turn me down saying that the leisure centre needs me and think what would happen if I were away. They say they will struggle on and maybe next year or sometimes they give me another charity's address. It's good to have a purpose or as I call it, The Dream. It is also good that they realise the role of manager of the Whitbury leisure centre is a tough one.

My main purpose is of course the Leisure Center. At Christmas our doors are flung open, well, actually held open, usually by little wedges and not the fire extinguishers as I've seen in so many public buildings. I have made several formal complaints and reports on the misuse of fire fighting equipment. I have been told they will sit for a meeting regarding my report, the day Hell freezes over. You just can not seem to help some people. This has nothing to do with Christmas, but, it's still very important.

So, back to my Christmas messafe, I must first say a big sorry to all those people who saw the Leisure Centre nativity. Fortunately the primary school children were quickly returned to their school before the trio of winos offered their bottles among them. Plus I must thank the Whitbury Police for taking them and the gang of thugs away before the Leisure Centre lost too much weight lifting equipment. I will have to say this whole disaster was my fault. I had a brief lapse of sanity and agreed to let Colin deal with the production while I was dealing with my Seasonal Charity work. Colin although good and kind hearted hearted has the IQ of a garden fork. The fork is a good worker, but, only while it's in the hands of a craftsman. I am the craftsman and Colin is the fork. Well, being short of Staff this week, Tim and Gavin were on a course in Reading on the importance of using the correct coloured pen for the correct report, Linda and Laura therefore could not be spared at this time.

Colin had resorted to giving himself the job of the Virgin Mary. I still have no idea, what possessed him into this thought. This meant he needed three wise men. He found three elderly gentlemen enjoying a fermented drink at 9.20 am in the local park, yes, he had found himself three drunks. Still left with a few parts vacant for Shepherds he saw a gang of bikers. He suggested they should join him to perform the play. I think you image where this is heading.

When the School Teacher entered with her happy children, she was greeted to the site of a Transvestite Virgin Mary, the Wise men offering the gift of vomit and alcohol to the baby Jesus (One of Ben's action man toys) and the a bunch of leather clad teenagers pulling up every valuable piece of sports item in the hall that we had. Laura did the only thing possible at that time and called the Police. Infact, if it wasn't for her, Colin would have been arrested as well. She said the Inspector had to see the Personnel files to prove Colin actually worked at the centre before he believed her. It seems there's a weird man dressing and looking like Colin causing terror in the next town. How horrid, imagine, another person like Colin, it doesn't bare thinking about. So, everything is almost back to normal and only seven pupils still require counciling sessions.

So all I have left to say is


More Brittas Empire Stories and Stuff in the New Year
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Where would we be without it


More Chris Barrie and the Brittas Empire Fan Fiction coming soon